Wednesday, 8 October 2014

The way it ended

It was the January of 2009, I had been in love for two years now. It was long distance and the feeling of wanting to meet her increased as every second passed. I used to call her when she was in her 11th grade in her hostel in a harsher voice and say “Is Steffi there? I am her father speaking” even if it’s the hostel warden she would be convinced and would call her up and we would end up talking for an hour. That will be the hour of happiness I would experience for the whole week. Comparatively everything else was just a vague memory.
It started getting worse when she reached 12th grade. She called me up one day and said there is a problem in hostel and they are logging all calls and discussing it during the parents teachers meet. And that meant I will not be able to call her. She ended the call with promises of calling me when she got time.
The frequency of calls reduced to just once a month and I would be dying to talk to her. When friends told me it’s falling apart, I would just refuse it saying she must be having a tough time getting a phone to call me. By half yearly exams she stopped calling me altogether and when I called during her half yearly holidays at her home, she picked it up and said she wanted to concentrate on her studies and she is still mad in love with me and asked me to wait.
And like a pup I waited with unwavering trust in my love. School life ended and I was not getting any calls from her and when I called her up she again said she is focusing on entrance exams to colleges. By now I had screwed up my studies thinking about her all the time.
And I still waited, and then college began for me and I was not allowed to carry a mobile with me. I tried calling her up from a phone booth once and her brother picked up and told me she was in college hostel. I wanted to talk but I did not have her new hostel no.
I came back home for the first semester holidays. It was the time when Orkut was at its peak and Facebook was not that well known. I created my Orkut with the sole intention of finding her and getting her hostel number so I can talk to her like before. I never had doubts that the long distance relationship would work. I always was thinking of ways to introduce her to my parents and the problems that I would face and how I will tackle them in the future. I had answers for everything.
And I found her profile. I was reading through it when I came across the field status and it said committed (or in a relationship I don’t remember all that much now). I was too overcome by happiness. Without even thinking I just dialled her number hoping to catch her. It was a weekend so I was hoping that she would be home, and yes she was indeed. She picked it up and was talking casually like always like nothing has changed.
And in all the excitement I said “Hey you got guts Steffi” and she asked why. And I just replied “You have said in your status you are committed to me I am really glad” and that is when she said “Tom that’s not with you”. I was laughing and replied “Don’t joke about this Steffi
“I found a guy here in my college I am in love with him” she said.
It was as if my heart was pulled out and banged against a tree, I could feel it beating at my chest as if longing to come out of its cage “What do you mean? What about us? What happened to us?” I asked
Silence
“What did I do wrong at least please tell me that” I kept nagging.
“Please don’t ask me that just leave it Tom Lets be just friends” she just said abruptly.
I was so in love with her I could not yell at her or do anything to her. All I could do was hang up and accept the fact that it is over. 
To this day the one question that keeps on nagging me is

“What did I do wrong?”

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

First Love(Atleast I thought it was): Part 1

It was a cloudy day and we were practicing (in class hours… It’s always fun bunking classes in the pretext of practice) as the annual district sport meet was just a month away. I had just got into the ball-badminton team from badminton after severe arguments with the badminton coach.

After about two hours we were tired and we as a team went over to see how the hockey team was doing. Our School hockey team had won the state championship quite a couple of times, so the team was always good. I was the vice-captain of the team for a brief period (1 month) before my over protective parents thought I would get hurt and pulled me out of the team.

They were on recess too. And we went over to the team’s goalkeeper who was lurking around the goal post and started chit chatting. I heard someone call out “TOM!!” and I turned around to see my friend Sam running to me.

“Got a minute?” he asked and we went aside and he asked me “Do you know anybody named Steffi?”
“No I don’t, Should I?” I asked him curiously as he never talked about his girlfriends to me and I never bothered to ask. In the meanwhile was racking my brains out trying to figure out who it could be.

“The thing is she is a friend of my friend”, “don’t ask” he added quickly seeing the smirk on my face. I told myself one day you are going to tell me all about those girlfriends.

“This concerns me how?” I asked him and he replied “She has been asking around about you, any idea why?”

I became a little too curious now because I was in a boys only school and haven’t talked to members of the opposite sex in a while (not counting the relatives). So I asked him “I’ve told you before I have no idea who she is. But why on earth would she ask around about me?” trying not to show him that I was interested in the topic.

If you have been in a boys only school you will know how a news like this can spread, the worst part is not the spreading it’s the taunting the other friends will do if they come to know about it. I have seen my seniors do it. Nobody in my class was in a relationship back then, so we had not started the taunting.

“It seems she likes you, and has been asking other girls about you. As they didn’t know anything about you they turned to me for help” He said. “And I just told her that you were a great guy and if you want to know more you should talk to him rather than ask me” he replied even before I asked him what he said.

I didn’t know what to do, this was way back when Nokia 1100 was a premium handset, and not many had it. And to talk to me someone has to call my landline, which the whole family used. And if a girl were to call me and my parents picked up the call, I am screwed.


Now I was worried. He just asked me to take care and was about to leave when I asked “which school is she from?” He just said “Little flower”. I could see a broad smile on his face as he walked away. 

Monday, 11 August 2014

FIrst Love (Atleast I thought it was) : Prologue


I don’t understand why, However hard I try, I keep falling back into something I always am bad at… Love. I have been trying to call almost everybody I know so that I can talk to them… cry out to someone about how I feel but again I cannot find one soul who can give me the time... 

 It’s so hard living like this. With so much sadness in heart but no one to talk to. I am writing this out to you my dear reader in hopes that at least in this way I could find solace that someone is listening. And you don't have to worry the sad part is right at the end. Its all fun till then.

 I live in a quite popular town in the state of Tamilnadu. I am sure you guys will get bored if I were to write about my Primary schooling. So I will cut right to the chase.  

 I have never been a guy who liked girls up until 10th grade maybe because of my Primary schooling where the staffs were predominantly ladies and they gave importance to girls more than boys. But my perception completely changed when I met her.
Thinking back I didn’t even meet her at all… It all started with Sam (Of course names are changed) from my grade coming to talk to me that day… Oh boy do I wish he hadn’t said anything.


Sunday, 10 August 2014

What's Happening today.....

Raksha bandhan

I have no idea about the story behind the day. But what I do know is I am terribly excited, as I am getting a sister today. Oh yea!

We are going to meet somewhere in the city where I live (Chennai). She is a senior to me in college( I am doing my MBA), But younger to me by age. Let's refer to her as Lucy. She will be there with some other friends too. It all starts with her applying a Tilak on my head (apologies if I am wrong with the names or the process, I am just writing about what I think is going to happen). Then she will keep 2 grains of rice right on the Tilak and then here is the best part, She will be giving me an amazing Indian sweet and I ll have to give her a gift or cash ( Gifting her). And we are brother and sister for life

I have always wanted a sister, what can I say even my younger cousins are all guys (which is a perk at times). Oh my, I completely forgot about the Rakhi ( Sorry I'm overexcited). Somewhere in the process (I will update later) she ties a Rakhi on my hand bonding us together forever. 

Just another Intro

I know People would say " Its just another f*** blog", Do I care?

Friends always tell me "you should blog man!!" But I never did understand what they found special in my life worth sharing. So I started writing about my life, Holy s*** There is so much to talk about. But then I will have to cutback on some stuff, as It will not be appropriate (I do not want to die young). 

Like in most of the books based on original stories we will have the names replaced, So don't go about searching for the people in the blog. It is just to hide all those embarrassing moments and also to make sure some identities stay hidden. I know that it will be unfair to some friends, Who were there through thick and thin and I wish I could show the world how amazing and special they are to me.

Starting this ride hoping you dont throw tomatoes and rotten eggs at me while I take you through my life...

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