Wednesday, 8 October 2014

The way it ended

It was the January of 2009, I had been in love for two years now. It was long distance and the feeling of wanting to meet her increased as every second passed. I used to call her when she was in her 11th grade in her hostel in a harsher voice and say “Is Steffi there? I am her father speaking” even if it’s the hostel warden she would be convinced and would call her up and we would end up talking for an hour. That will be the hour of happiness I would experience for the whole week. Comparatively everything else was just a vague memory.
It started getting worse when she reached 12th grade. She called me up one day and said there is a problem in hostel and they are logging all calls and discussing it during the parents teachers meet. And that meant I will not be able to call her. She ended the call with promises of calling me when she got time.
The frequency of calls reduced to just once a month and I would be dying to talk to her. When friends told me it’s falling apart, I would just refuse it saying she must be having a tough time getting a phone to call me. By half yearly exams she stopped calling me altogether and when I called during her half yearly holidays at her home, she picked it up and said she wanted to concentrate on her studies and she is still mad in love with me and asked me to wait.
And like a pup I waited with unwavering trust in my love. School life ended and I was not getting any calls from her and when I called her up she again said she is focusing on entrance exams to colleges. By now I had screwed up my studies thinking about her all the time.
And I still waited, and then college began for me and I was not allowed to carry a mobile with me. I tried calling her up from a phone booth once and her brother picked up and told me she was in college hostel. I wanted to talk but I did not have her new hostel no.
I came back home for the first semester holidays. It was the time when Orkut was at its peak and Facebook was not that well known. I created my Orkut with the sole intention of finding her and getting her hostel number so I can talk to her like before. I never had doubts that the long distance relationship would work. I always was thinking of ways to introduce her to my parents and the problems that I would face and how I will tackle them in the future. I had answers for everything.
And I found her profile. I was reading through it when I came across the field status and it said committed (or in a relationship I don’t remember all that much now). I was too overcome by happiness. Without even thinking I just dialled her number hoping to catch her. It was a weekend so I was hoping that she would be home, and yes she was indeed. She picked it up and was talking casually like always like nothing has changed.
And in all the excitement I said “Hey you got guts Steffi” and she asked why. And I just replied “You have said in your status you are committed to me I am really glad” and that is when she said “Tom that’s not with you”. I was laughing and replied “Don’t joke about this Steffi
“I found a guy here in my college I am in love with him” she said.
It was as if my heart was pulled out and banged against a tree, I could feel it beating at my chest as if longing to come out of its cage “What do you mean? What about us? What happened to us?” I asked
“What did I do wrong at least please tell me that” I kept nagging.
“Please don’t ask me that just leave it Tom Lets be just friends” she just said abruptly.
I was so in love with her I could not yell at her or do anything to her. All I could do was hang up and accept the fact that it is over. 
To this day the one question that keeps on nagging me is

“What did I do wrong?”

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